Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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