508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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