Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
