i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize