I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
