I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
