I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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