I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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