The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
