You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
