I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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