That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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