did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
