you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
