You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
