and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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