You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
