Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
