At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize