You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you had me at cake vodka
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
