ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
