the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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