Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize