he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
