Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
