I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
