had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
