Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
