he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
