Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
