FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want nice things and good sex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
