I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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