You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
