i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
