My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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