you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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