Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
