Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
