The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
