I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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