is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
