Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize