he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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