I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
