im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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