he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
