I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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