So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
