I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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