So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
