I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
