Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
