Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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