I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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