why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
