she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
