Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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