I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
