the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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