I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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