I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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