We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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