you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
