this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
