Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
