Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize