I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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