I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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