dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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