Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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