I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
