I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
be right there i have to get my cape
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
