Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
