Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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