Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
