The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
