oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
