My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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