big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
