someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize